Coffee House
by Briar Elwood
Summary: In commemoration of my 100th fic... Ta-da. Crossover with Star Wars, Doctor Who, Stargate SG-1, Twilight, Psych, Iron Man and Burn Notice. I just did Star Wars and Burn Notice as the categories since they're the first and the current fandoms.


_A/N: In commemoration of my 100th fic, I decided to do... this. It's odd. Crossover with every single fandom I've ever done more than one thing and not just crossovers for (therefore leaving out Dragonlance, Kim Possible, Stargate: Atlantis, Harry Potter and White Collar). It only features my OTC or OTP depending on the fandom. And can I just say that I did Twilight BEFORE it got scary? Thank you._

_(The setting is a warm, small coffee house. A group of friends has gathered.)_

Ninth Doctor: _(confused, with a hint of sarcasm)_ So, wait, one moment you were "this kid's dangerous, Yoda says so" and the next you were "I'll train him no matter what, Master!" What happened there?

Obi-Wan Kenobi: _(seriously)_ It was a very traumatic time in my life.

Ninth Doctor: What happened to the whole "no feelings" thing?

Obi-Wan: A Jedi does has feelings but does not let them have power in his decisions.

Ninth Doctor: _(sarcastic)_ That sure worked out for you.

Obi-Wan: I do not believe you have the right to judge. How often have you let your emotions get the better of you? Remember the Dalek?

Ninth Doctor:_(incredulously)_ I'd sure like to see you come up against your mortal enemy and not get angry!

Obi-Wan: The Sith?

Ninth Doctor: And you didn't get angry at all when Darth Maul showed up and killed Qui-Gon--

Daniel Jackson: _(annoyed, looking up from his book)_ Oh, my goodness, will you two stop arguing?

Rose Tyler: You were a bit scary when we met the Dalek, Doctor. But it was okay, I understand.

Daniel: _(going back to his book)_And you two can get a room.

Ninth Doctor: _(quickly)_And just what do you mean by that?

Daniel: _(matter-of-factly)_I mean you two are just a bit disgusting and I'm trying to work on this translation here and you're distracting. I mean, you're hundreds of years older than her, what the heck--

Ninth Doctor: _(defensively)_You should talk! You kissed your girlfriend's daughter! And why are you trying to work on a translation here anyway?

Daniel: I need to get this done before the briefing tomorrow and Vala's not my girlfr--

Vala Mal Doran: _(joining the group, wrapping her arms around Daniel's neck)_Hello, Danny boy.

Ninth Doctor: _(amused)_You were saying?

Daniel: _(pauses, releasing himself from Vala's arms)_At least Adria's matured. At least I didn't have the hots for a baby, like someone else...

Jacob Black: _(suddenly, looks up from his coffee)_Hey, I can't control who I imprint on!

Obi-Wan: _(to Jacob)_He does have a point. That is a bit revolting.

Jacob: You know, if I'd had a choice in it, I would've never gone for Renesmee. I mean, seriously, she's half vampire. You know, like, my mortal enemy?

Ninth Doctor: _(eager)_Hey, do you ever get angry when you face your mortal enemy?

Obi-Wan: _(exasperately)_Oh, will you give it up?

Jacob: _(duh)_Well, yeah, that's how I transform into a werewolf.

Shawn Spencer: _(loudly, dramatically as he walks in)_Wait! I'm having a vision! Oh! Wait! Here it comes! ...You're not actually a werewolf! You're a shapeshifter.

Jacob: _(unamused)_Dude. Just stop.

Shawn: _(continuing, still dramatic)_There are real werewolves, but they're in, like, Europe or something!

Jacob: Everyone knows you're a fake, Shawn! The psychic crap is just bull, you live in a non-fantasy world!

Shawn: Hey, but I make life funny with my crazy antics! I'm awesome!

Tony Stark: _(haughtily, coming up behind him with Pepper Potts)_The only way you could ever be considered awesome is if you managed to become a multi-billionare playboy by pretending to be a psychic. I mean, honestly, you can't even get that Detective O'Hara to sleep with you.

Shawn: _(offended)_Hey! I could if I wanted to! And you haven't gotten Pepper to sleep with you either!

Pepper Potts: _(unsure of how to react)_Whoa...

Vala: _(piping up)_Hey, everyone has their kryptonite.

Daniel: _(slowly)_If you're talking about me...

Obi-Wan: You are all so immature.

Rose: I don't see why sleeping together has to mean anything.

Vala: _(scoffing)_Oh, yeah, you're so innocent. C'mon, girl, you dress like a slut!

Rose: Hey! I dress _cute_, thank you! And you should talk!

Vala: _(sarcastic)_Hey, BDUs can be fashionable!

Pepper: _(barely even looking up from her coffee)_They're not flattering, that's for sure.

Vala: _(offended)_Oh, right, and you get to be the judge of all of us, Miss I'm The Secretary Of Tony Stark And Get To Sleep With Him Whenever I Want Because He Has--

Tony: _(slowly)_I thought we just established that she hasn't slept with me...

Rose: At least I wear more clothes than _his_ girlfriend.

Michael Westen: _(barely registering the comment, not looking up from his newspaper)_Fi's not my girlfriend.

Jacob: _(amused)_Just like how Vala's not Daniel's girlfriend?

Michael: _(looks up, shortly)_Yes, actually.

Vala: _(eagerly)_Where is Fi, by the way? I was hoping I could catch up with her.

Daniel: _(under his breath)_Which is never a dangerous thing...

Michael: _(shrugs)_All I know is that if you hear about an explosion on the way home, it was probably her.

Obi-Wan: See, there is another example of why you shouldn't let emotions control you. It gets dangerous for everyone.

Michael: _(frowning)_Somehow I get the feeling that's why Fi likes it.

Shawn: Wait, back up a bit, you're saying Fi's not your girlfriend? Can I have her number?

Michael: _(quickly)_No.

Tony: _(amused)_Oo, possessive, isn't he?

Michael: _(glares)_

Vala: _(excitedly)_Look at that calm, cool and collected glare! Reminds me of yours, Daniel.

Daniel: _(glares)_

Vala: _(smile dropping slightly)_Yeah. That one.

Obi-Wan: _(finally, standing up)_Well, this has all been very informative and exciting, but I have to go. I can't leave Anakin alone for too long or he'll get Padme pregnant or do something equally dramatic.

Ninth Doctor: _(standing up as well)_Yeah, Rose and I are wasting valuable time that could be spent traveling through space and time.

Rose: _(following in the Doctor's suit, excitedly)_Where to next?

Ninth Doctor: _(grinning)_I was thinking World War II? Maybe we'll meet up with some gas-masked people and a con-artist from the fifty-first century. You never know.

Rose: _(wonderingly)_I hope the con-artist is metrosexual.

Ninth Doctor: _(shaking his head)_Nah, that'd be a little too exciting, even for me.

Vala: _(eyes wide)_There are still con-artists in the fifty-first century? See, Daniel, it's a good job!

Daniel: _(irritated)_I don't think it's actually considered a job, Vala. We should probably go, too. Remember we're leaving for the Asgard home world tomorrow.

Vala: _(following him out the door)_Right. That's just supposed to be this in and out thing, right? Because I have a spa date with Sam...

Jacob: _(taking one last sip of coffee)_I should get going as well. I can't leave Renesmee with her parents for too long. They like to, uh... have fun often. I'm trying to keep Renesmee away from that as long as I can.

Shawn: Dude, that's gross.

Jacob: _(nodding)_Exactly. You know, sometimes I think my life is like some really bad movie.

Shawn: _(suddenly)_Crap! Movies! I've got to go, too! Gus and I are going to this Hitchcock triple feature at the cinema! It's going to rock, I love Hitchcock.

Tony: Aw, why go to that when you could go to the new Iron Man movie?

Pepper: _(rolling her eyes)_Oh, grow up, Tony.

Tony: _(defensively)_What? It's a good movie!

Pepper: You only like it because you like oggling at Scarlett Johansson. Do you even know what happens in it?

Tony: _(pompously)_Of course I do. Iron Man saves the day. Like usual.

Pepper: _(not convinced)_Mm-hm. And how does that happen?

Tony: _(grabbing her elbow, standing up)_You know, why don't we go see it again and I'll show you?

Pepper: Cop out.

Tony: Come on, it'll be fun.

Pepper: _(sighing)_I'm only coming because I know I won't convince you not to go and you need someone to make sure you behave.

Tony: Yeah, right. You like the movie.

Michael: _(glances around, smiles)_ Ah, good. I don't know why I keep coming to these get togethers. They're always too loud.

_(Phone rings)_

Gilroy: Michael. I need your help with a little job. Are you available for the next hour or so?

Michael: _(with fake sweetness)_Anything for you, Gilroy. _(hangs up and presses the speed dial)_ Sam, how'd you like to be a sniper for the day? I need some back up.

_A/N: THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO HAS READ AND/OR REVIEWED ANY OF MY 100 STORIES OVER THE PAST FIVE YEARS. I LOVE YOU ALL!_

_I love reviewers and live for constructive criticism!_


End file.
